Choose Connection Over Conflict

Shelly VanEpps discusses resolving conflicts by acknowledging agreements, expressing feelings, seeking solutions, and planning discussions for healthier relationships.

Resources:

About Shelly VanEpps

Shelly is the VP of Business Development & a Mastery Coach with All-Star Dental Academy. By aiding in the growth and expansion of All-Star, Shelly’s passion for dentistry allows the company to focus on guiding dentists and their teams towards achieving their vision of a successful dental practice. Because each office has their own definition of “success” Shelly focuses her attention on customized coaching by applying her 21 years in the dental field to each department within the office. In addition, as a John Maxwell Certified Leadership Coach, Shelly enjoys working with doctors and office managers on shifting their approach from a managerial approach to a more effective leadership style.

Episode Transcript

Transcript performed by A.I. Please excuse the typos.

00:04

I’m Shelly Van Epps, VP of Business Growth and Development and a Mastery Coach with All-Star Dental Academy. And I’m so excited today to talk about this topic because so many of us are challenged with it every day. And that is conflict. Whether it be at home, at work, when we’re with our friends, sometimes conflict happens. And for the most part, none of us enjoy it. I think we can agree upon that. Which actually leads us into this discussion.

00:32

So when you have conflict, how do you go about it in a healthy way? How do you have resolution without destroying a relationship? And the first thing I want you to do is to remember to start with what you agree upon. So if you’re both assistants, you have a lot to agree upon. Your responsibilities are very similar. If you are the dentist and you have a team member.

00:56

You have something that you can agree upon. You’re there to make the days flow smoothly to help your patients. If you’re at home and your husband and wife, what is it that you’re agreeing upon in that moment? We both want our house to look nice. You just left the dishes in the sink. This is how it made me feel. So that’s kind of this process that we’re going to walk through. So first and foremost, what do you agree upon? Then you’re going to state the action. What actually occurred?

01:25

only the facts. You left your dishes in the sink. Okay, now you’re going to follow that up with how did it make you feel when you left those dishes in the sink, it made me feel frustrated. I felt annoyed. I felt disrespected because I had just put all the dishes in the dishwasher. So you can you can talk to that. And then you come up with what are we going to do moving forward? Right? So

01:54

Can I ask you to please put your dishes in the dishwasher instead of in the sink? Now I’ve asked for a resolution. My husband says, yes, Shelley, I would be happy to put my dishes in the dishwasher. I didn’t realize that frustrated you. I thought I was helping you because you would want to rinse them off. No, I don’t wanna rinse them off. You can rinse them off, right? So you can rinse the dishes and then you put them into the sink.

02:20

So you have that resolution now, and then you say, okay, so if this happens again, what are we gonna do? How are we gonna discuss this? Do we need to revisit it in two weeks? Do we need to revisit it in a month? Obviously at home with dishes, that’s not gonna be the case. But at work, when we’re in our environment, when we’re in the office, that may be necessary. You may want to schedule a specific time to say, hey, how are we doing on that? This was something that was happening regularly, and

02:49

I haven’t noticed it in the last two weeks. This is amazing. Thank you so much. We’re on the same page. And then you can move forward. And again, you’ve saved that relationship versus coming at somebody and saying, you didn’t put the dishes in the dishwasher. I’m so mad. I’m out of here. You’re annoying, whatever it might be, right? Obviously, again, that’s not at work, but at work you could very easily.

03:14

Hold it in until you get to that boiling point. How many of us have ever been to that boiling point where you’re just done with someone or something? Happens all the time. I have call after call with team members and doctors who are just like, I’m done, I’m done. I’m walking out or I’m firing her or him and you’ve just let it go too long. So I encourage you to use this process.

03:42

to help save those relationships, and to help yourself to avoid that frustration. We hope you enjoyed this episode of Dental All-Stars. Visit us online at allstardentalacademy.com.

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